Things that don't really matter

I went to school for 3 years to complete my Bachelors degree in Religion, with big plans to be in full time ministry. At the same time I had met this amazing boy in youth group just several years before I stepped onto my college campus. He was marriage material and I knew pretty quickly I would spend the rest of my life with him (yes even at sixteen years old ). Soon after my accomplishment of earning that coveted degree, I sealed the deal with my fiancé and made that boy in youth group my husband. It was actually only a few weeks after my graduation that we celebrated our wedding. And let me tell you...Marriage was awesome! I was living the dream and the next natural step was to fill that baby carriage. After only a few months into marriage I began to have baby fever and a few months after that I saw those pink lines on my pregnancy test and shouted from the bathroom to spread the joyous news with my husband. It was a whirlwind nine months of morning sickness, aches and pains, crazy cravings and an emergency c section that led to me holding my most monumental accomplishment in my arms. My son was here, staring at me with his piercing blue eyes, all 8 pounds of sweet smelling infant.

 I transitioned from wife to mom with ease and began a journey I always dreamed of but never totally understood. The depth of love for that one small human was beyond what I could fathom, and strangely enough regardless of the sickness, surgery and sleepless nights, two years later we were blessed with another son, and shortly after a precious daughter. And my love hasn't changed, but only multiplied in miraculous ways. Four years ago I landed an awesome job as youth pastor for one of the most amazing churches I had ever attended. I was pumped to preach messages, plan events and proud of myself for doing exactly what that diploma trained me for. As a pregnant twenty one year old straight out of college I thought I had mastered life and I thought I had reached my sweet spot. I had all sorts of plans to be a working mom... that is until my third pregnancy when I finally realized that God may have different plans than the ones I envisioned for myself.

 You see my plans involved working at my own goals and yet also wanting a family, and although that ideal may work out for some people it was not in the cards for me. God had called my heart from full time ministry in a church to full time ministry at home. Don't get me wrong, I still have a heart for the local church and ministry, my husband and I would love to be a full time missions family in the future, but for right now God has blessed me with 3 babies who will not be babies forever. He has called me home for a calling that will not receive any accolades, awards, or a glamorous spotlight. Most people will overlook my position for someone who sits at home and watches Netflix all day and that is ok. Because when my heavenly father called me to this position I knew it would be the hardest choice I ever made, and yet the most rewarding. Below is my favorite quote from Francis Chan and it has been my anthem as I live my life of dirty diapers and tantrums. I just want to make my focus things that matter, my family that matters. I could spend all my hours doing things that seem "good" and "worthy" but if I am neglecting those that truly matter I will have utterly failed the mission that God has for me. My biggest prayer for you and me is that we may live life to the fullest, denying what we want and what we view as important and seeking His heart in all things. For there is no greater place to be than in the center of His will, caring for those He has called us to.