This week has been a rough week for me. Honestly, I think having three kids in four years is just catching up to me. The responsibilities that I am carrying, trying to wear so many hats and then pairing those hats down and realizing I have to be the BEST if I only have a few hats to juggle. Listening to the lies of the enemy is really easy these days, drowning myself in the distractions of facebook and instagram only leave me broken and empty. I finally gave up this week, and whispered a prayer of resignation amidst the dirty diapers and toddler tantrums. I can't do this alone...I feel very much inadequate...can you meet me here? And he did...The mess stayed, the tantrums didn't magically disappear and bad attitudes still crept up, but my heart was redeemed. I prayed He would change my perspective, and suddenly dishes in my sink were not crippling, soap scum in my shower and laundry piles didn't bother me as much as they did before. I had freedom to lay on the floor and read stories to my children while my house stayed disorderly. I released some of the reigns, and I am still learning to release more. Because I realize my attitude matters way more than a showcase house, and my children's hearts are so much more important than an organic meal and a pinterest worthy alphabetized pantry. God took me out at the knees to show me that I could not be who He wanted me to be if I still held on to all these silly ideals.
You see my house wasn't the only issue I had, I had some housekeeping to do in my heart. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't like my physical body who battled through three back to back pregnancies, I didn't like mom who screamed at her kids in frustration, I didn't like the wife who sat on my ipad when my husband wanted to share his dreams with me. I was disgusted with who I was, but God whispered something back to me in this moment of self pity. You are worth it! You are amazing! Yes, bad days will come but let ME be the one who defines you! Seek Me for the strength to be who I called you to be! And I did...And I am slowly being transformed...And he spoke to me a new song, a new tune to live by. Instead of being sad, frustrated and unmotivated, I am going to be positive, uplifted, and encouraged...but not by myself, only with HIS help!
To kick this off, I taped this to my bathroom mirror to help myself remember what really matters when I see my reflection...
Charm (a flat stomach) is deceptive and Beauty (a flawless complexion) is fleeting. BUT a women who fears the Lord (walks confidently in the design of her creator, loves her family fiercely, and lays down her life unselfishly daily) is worthy to be praised! (paraphrased for my life from Proverbs 31)
I am finally excited to walk in freedom and live life to the fullest. I wasn't redeemed to walk around with a bad attitude. I was redeemed to be the best wife, mom and women I can be!
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