Lessons by the pool

The other day I experienced a mom moment at our local community center, sitting on the bleachers watching my almost 4 year old struggle in his first swimming lesson. There I was helpless on the sidelines as I watched with a pit in my stomach. My baby, my brave boy, my firstborn wiggled around the stairs with his fellow swimmers. When all the other children were happy to play by the rules and float along, my strong willed child decided to beat to the tune of his own drum. He jumped, he ran, we got some dirty looks, he paid no attention to the task at hand and asked 21 questions in a row, mind you we were only there for 20 minutes because his mama was late (we are not morning people in our family!)

To be honest...I left the swim lesson defeated and with an ugly attitude. Those instructers were horrible,  how dare they look exasperated with a pool full of energetic toddler boys at the crack of dawn on a monday morning? How dare they not give my babbling toddler every ounce of their attention? I was frustrated that my child had to be the one who acted up and didnt listen. While I personally sat there struggling to make eye contact with my son to show him "the look", the other moms chatted and checked their iPhones. I was miserable, uncomfortable, and angry at my child and everyone else in the room. Did I mention it was a crazy pre coffee monday morning?

We left the pool and the whole day pretty much took a turn for the worse after such a crazy start, and my attitude did not help things along. I called my mom, I called my husband, I made tons of excuses of how our day was not fun and swimming was going to be torture for the next four weeks. And I explained to our son how he had to listen and follow directions. He smiled, "ok mommy" and went back to his bathtub shenanigans of holding his breath under water. And then...Wednesday came, our dreaded second lesson, and I tried so hard to keep my cool and stay positive. I was on time with a smile, I prepped my toddler for the sixteenth time, and I graciously walked to the instructor and explained that my son was used to playing around at our family pool and we tried to communicate that this was a lesson and he had to listen, hoping that she would find grace for my child and not hate me for the next several weeks. And she smiled, and told me that all three year old boys were like mine, and that he will be fine, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn't alone...my kid wasn't weird, or naughty, or a swim failure, he was just an average toddler testing the limits of the community pool. We went through that lesson with flying colors. My swimmer shined as he chatted his way down the pool, swimming laps and flirting with the instructor. All was well, I smiled as I watched him by himself twirling in the water, and splashing, enjoying the pool as a carefree child, blowing bubbles under the water like a champ. I took pictures, I soaked in every second, I bragged about his performance for days. But here is the thing...If I hadn't had such a rough first class with my son I would have never appreciated the triumph of his second class. And thats how life is right? The struggles we go through just make us experience the success as an even sweeter event. Honestly, if he hadn't had such a rough lesson the first round I probably would have missed out on those sweet moments, because I wouldn't have appreciated the memories of that swim class. I would have just gone through the motions and left just like it was any other extracurricular activity, but it wasn't. It was a sweet moment with me and my boy. A time between the two of us to encourage him, and cheer him on, to clap when he swam without a float, to wave at him across the pool. I will always appreciate those moments, and I will never get them back. I am thankful that I am able to experience life with this boy and so glad that he is teaching me to embrace the good and the bad moments because they are each so important in shaping who I am.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, on our second lesson I watched another mom breathe heavy as her toddler dove off the stairs into the deep end of the pool. I looked her way and smiled and we both had a good laugh. I've been there friend, I know exactly how you feel, and its all gonna turn out great!

Things that don't really matter

I went to school for 3 years to complete my Bachelors degree in Religion, with big plans to be in full time ministry. At the same time I had met this amazing boy in youth group just several years before I stepped onto my college campus. He was marriage material and I knew pretty quickly I would spend the rest of my life with him (yes even at sixteen years old ). Soon after my accomplishment of earning that coveted degree, I sealed the deal with my fiancé and made that boy in youth group my husband. It was actually only a few weeks after my graduation that we celebrated our wedding. And let me tell you...Marriage was awesome! I was living the dream and the next natural step was to fill that baby carriage. After only a few months into marriage I began to have baby fever and a few months after that I saw those pink lines on my pregnancy test and shouted from the bathroom to spread the joyous news with my husband. It was a whirlwind nine months of morning sickness, aches and pains, crazy cravings and an emergency c section that led to me holding my most monumental accomplishment in my arms. My son was here, staring at me with his piercing blue eyes, all 8 pounds of sweet smelling infant.

 I transitioned from wife to mom with ease and began a journey I always dreamed of but never totally understood. The depth of love for that one small human was beyond what I could fathom, and strangely enough regardless of the sickness, surgery and sleepless nights, two years later we were blessed with another son, and shortly after a precious daughter. And my love hasn't changed, but only multiplied in miraculous ways. Four years ago I landed an awesome job as youth pastor for one of the most amazing churches I had ever attended. I was pumped to preach messages, plan events and proud of myself for doing exactly what that diploma trained me for. As a pregnant twenty one year old straight out of college I thought I had mastered life and I thought I had reached my sweet spot. I had all sorts of plans to be a working mom... that is until my third pregnancy when I finally realized that God may have different plans than the ones I envisioned for myself.

 You see my plans involved working at my own goals and yet also wanting a family, and although that ideal may work out for some people it was not in the cards for me. God had called my heart from full time ministry in a church to full time ministry at home. Don't get me wrong, I still have a heart for the local church and ministry, my husband and I would love to be a full time missions family in the future, but for right now God has blessed me with 3 babies who will not be babies forever. He has called me home for a calling that will not receive any accolades, awards, or a glamorous spotlight. Most people will overlook my position for someone who sits at home and watches Netflix all day and that is ok. Because when my heavenly father called me to this position I knew it would be the hardest choice I ever made, and yet the most rewarding. Below is my favorite quote from Francis Chan and it has been my anthem as I live my life of dirty diapers and tantrums. I just want to make my focus things that matter, my family that matters. I could spend all my hours doing things that seem "good" and "worthy" but if I am neglecting those that truly matter I will have utterly failed the mission that God has for me. My biggest prayer for you and me is that we may live life to the fullest, denying what we want and what we view as important and seeking His heart in all things. For there is no greater place to be than in the center of His will, caring for those He has called us to.