Freedom in Letting go...

For most of my life I have felt a great urge to make a difference. I have felt a huge pull to make my life count, to be known for something, and to do things that matter. At a young age I felt "called" to ministry.  I always assumed I would be great at balancing it all, (if that's even possible) and just check my goals off of my handwritten list. I took the classes, accepted the degree, researched positions, strived and worked my way,most days in my own strength, and then I realized that I felt like a hamster spinning on a wheel going nowhere. I was living the dream, and yet I always felt like I was letting someone down. Whether it was my position or my family or my sanity, something always felt pulled. Until one day, a wise women told me. "Balance is hard to come by, life is made of choices, you choose one over the other and someone always feels cheated." You see I realized, life is full of delicate crossroads. There's always going to be many paths to take, I must be careful in what paths I choose.

I come from a long line of perfectionists. I can't even stand when my house is messy, I have to leave and take my kids to Target because it really bothers me. I like to do things well and I like to receive praise. Lets cut to the chase: my love language is words of affirmation. My love tank fills when I work hard, excel at something and someone notices enough to commend me. I like to be noticed, I like to be appreciated. So when I was constantly juggling hats what would happen was that I would either be half decent at some things and end up dropping some balls along the way or be really good at another thing but yet awful at something else. What this did was exhaust me, I wasn't seeing the  fruit of my labor because I was spinning in too many directions and dropping too many balls, so even though I was striving and running I was always falling short and never succeeding at anything. So I took a step back, and then another, and I let balls go and I tossed them to someone else, until one more ball was left in my court. I became a stay at home mom, and I rocked at loving my husband. I was intentional about my time, about pouring into my kids. I stopped juggling and I started scoring goals. I only had one ball and I knew what direction to run in. Most days that direction was face on the floor, asking God for help raising these little ones. These kids who never stop talking, or making messes, or asking questions. God led me to the mundane to break my cycle of balance. He was clear that I wasn't juggling anymore, but I was doing holy work. He brought me to my knees on this holy ground, revealed to me that I alone wouldn't be able to be a stellar mom, but that His grace would cover the areas I would mess up. Believe me folks, its not all rainbows and sunshine here. There is peace and grace and joy but its mixed into the chaos of crying, tantrums, and timeouts. But this is where God says," take off your shoes", you've met the sacred in the mundane. He called me off one platform and into another. On this platform I will not receive applause, but thats alright with me, because I know I am seen. I am seen by the one who finds value in the obscure, who calls the misfits instead of the qualified. I am seen by the one who chose me to be the wife and mom to my family. I don't take this calling lightly, I feel it is more apart of me than any other calling I have ever had.

So if you need freedom today to say NO to a commitment, I give you freedom. If you find life sucking you dry and you are so exhausted from running in circles, just wave the white flag. The enemy of this life wants nothing more than to keep you so busy and ragged that you miss the whole point. The God of this universe wants all of you, every part of your schedule. He wants you to breathe, to rest, to take shelter in Him. Its when you chase unnecessary things that you lose Him. He's waiting for you to return to Him for refreshment. So do it... I dare you. Stop balancing, stop juggling and just commit yourself to the one who made you, he designed you for specific things, you don't have to be good at it all. You don't have to strive. He loves you just the way you are and he longs to use you in ways you could never imagine if you would just allow him to. Take a step back and evaluate that which is most important. Write a list if you have to...Pray over that list and give it to God. It will be uncomfortable to say No, It will be hard to step back, or step away but if He is calling you to it, you will be refreshed, you will be renewed and you will be able to take a sigh of relief. In the words of Elsa, "Let it go". And you know what I have learned in my past experiences, sometimes, just sometimes, there may be someone else who can carry that ball a whole lot better than you, and is just waiting for you to drop it so they can pick it up and score. So be careful, to allow God to speak to you. Be aware that saying No, is not failing, its just accepting you can't do it all, and allowing someone else to step in. It's hard but its part of the good work He is doing in you. The pruning always hurts but its the only way new fruit will have room to grow. Keep it up, your doing great! (picture me waving pom poms in your face...or not) Fight the good fight, fight for what He's called you to and let go of the rest, don't fear dropped commitments or cleared schedules, having the extra time will just allow God room to work in your life. You may not be able to juggle, but you can score, just remember who He's called you to be and keep your eye on the prize! You got this!