On Marriage...

ok...so theres few things in life that I can say I feel confident in doing well, and I'm just gonna be real here...Marriage is one of them. Now before the fiery darts are released, I do not rock at wife status because I'm awesome, don't let me fool you. There are actually a lot of contributing factors that are out of my control and that I thank the Lord for everyday.

I was given some stellar examples and coincidentally so was my husband. We come from some rockstar relationships where two sets of young kids decided to go all in and love each other fiercely even though they themselves came from some broken backgrounds. Two groups of people decided to break bad habits, not rest on a crutch of past mistakes, and move forward leaning on God's strength to get them through the ups and the downs. For both, the marriage road wasn't easy but they put both feet forward and thrived even in the face of adversity. I call these 2 groups of people mom and dad, and I am so blessed beyond belief. The heritage they leave with me is priceless, and I have learned a lot from their successes and failures. I would not be who I am today without their shared experiences, and for that I am utterly grateful. So thanks parents and inlaws for making marriage seem worthwhile, enjoyable, adventurous, and honorable. Because of them my eye was on the prize at a young age, and I stepped into marriage with a clear view that it was going to be hard, but it was going to be an amazing journey as well.

Have I made mistakes...well yes. Every day to be honest. I don't think a day goes by that I do not do something insensitive or selfish. Yet I have learned from a loving mother one of the most important aspects of a successful relationship, and it comes in the form of one word that can sometimes get stuck in your throat. "SORRY". It may not be easy to admit defeat or that you acted like a hormonal basket case, but ladies and gentlemen, please learn how to say this word. Say it to your husband, say it to your kids, say it to your family members, friends and strangers. Learning how to quickly forgive your partner and accept that the world doesn't revolve around you will be the best thing you can do for your marriage. "Don't let the sun go down on your anger" its biblical, its cliche but its good solid truth. We were told right out the gate to never let an argument stew but always address the issue head on. Its easier that way, 10 times out of 10 our argument is really funny the next day and when we allow ourselves the freedom to let it go, we become happier people and we love each other better. It's that simple, its not complicated. Most of your marital issues can be solved in the matter of minutes, your pride may be bruised but your relationship will be better for it and I promise it gets easier with time. When you practice saying sorry for the trivial, it will make it easier for when you have a trial. When the real storms come, your forgiving muscle will be strong enough to endure the situation.

I'm no expert. Don't even ask me for parenting advice, I will laugh at you. Just saying.
All I can say is for the very short 6 years I have been married I have learned that forgiveness is powerful. Whatever struggle you may be having with your spouse, there is nothing more important than forgiveness. Forgiveness will restore broken hearts, shattered marriages, sinful people, awkward situations. Forgiveness is always the answer. Jesus forgave us for all of our sins, filth, breakdowns, issues and tantrums. I think we can do the same for the one we committed our life to. And for those of you who may be in such a dire situation that you could never imagine forgiving your spouse, I feel for you. Maybe the person you married is not the person you thought they were. Maybe you can't figure out how someone could love you and yet hurt you so bad. Marriage is hard, people are going to fail you, don't even expect otherwise. But Jesus...He can assure you He knows how you feel. He was betrayed by mankind and yet was able to act in love that resembled a cross. He took your sin and your ugly, and he asks you to do the same for others. Its not easy, I haven't mastered it, but I seek the one who has. Let's be real...you can't do it alone, your love is limited to your humanity, but you can just ask Him to help you. He wants to enter your mess...its kinda His thing. He's really good at restoring broken people and He is willing to enter your situation and give you the strength you need to forgive, if you just ask Him. It's not easy, but its always worth it. Even if all your answers are not solved, you will experience peace from knowing you have forgiven and allowed reconciliation to enter your life.

I don't know about you but I don't just want a marriage that survives. I didn't sign up for a roommate, or make some contract that I can alter when things get tough. I signed up for life to an imperfect person and that poor guy signed up to deal with all my crazy...but we are in this together. I want a marriage that looks like Jesus, I want a marriage that resembles the way Christ loves his Bride. I want my husband to actually desire to be in my presence. To find joy in our relationship. I want people to want what we have, because thats a marriage that reflects Jesus. Jesus walked around and set fires in peoples lives. People couldn't help but be attracted to what He had to say, what He was about. And I am convinced that God's design for our lives, our marriages and our families, is to light fires in the darkness. Our purpose is to reflect His love, and I'm positive that reflecting his love in our marriages and in our families is what the world needs to see. The world has enough broken stories, enough drama and chaos, what they need to see is two people who are committed to the grave,who wake up every day and choose to love regardless of their situation. So let's represent real marriage, where the joy outweighs the struggle. Let's offer up apologies, and believe the best in the person we fell madly in love with. Let's prove to the world that fairy tales just might still exist and prince charming looks a lot like a grown man wearing a superhero mask.